Love Notes to a Husband Away – The Cost of a Hard Living

 Ned came home every night between the hours of 5 and 7 p.m., Monday through Saturday. His hair was long enough to cover his forehead and was usually scraggly by the time he came home. During the day he would run his hands through his hair so much from stress that it would stick up if he weren’t wearing a hat.

            He showered at the coal mine but that didn’t prevent him from bringing coal residue home. His eyes often looked like he had applied some kind of smoky eye shadow. The calluses on his hands were stained by coal – something that wouldn’t wash away even with the abrasive soap they had available at his work. Once we even found a lump of coal in our bed.

            A typical evening in our lives would consist of Ned coming home, eating dinner, and falling asleep on the couch. He was usually asleep before I put Jack to bed. This was necessary because he would have to wake up between 4:30 and 5 a.m. the next morning.

            Ned never took a sick day. He began the job in November and worked on that Thanksgiving. Jack was less than two months old when Ned began as a mine clerk.

            When Ned put on his work jumpsuit, coal boots, and picked up his beat up lunch box, I felt like I was experiencing my very own October Skies. He looked at me with the dull eyes of a young man full of exhaustion and lacking inspiration.

            Ned who loved to take photographs, loved the outdoors – hiking, hunting, fishing -- loved sports – football, baseball, softball, golf – the passionate boy who wanted to see as much of the world as possible – barely had the energy to carry on a conversation with me when he came home. I wanted so much more for him. I wanted him to build rocket ships if he wanted to. Financially we were comfortable, and I was very proud of Ned for the way that he provided for us, but our life together was lacking in so many other areas.

            Now Ned has a military haircut and his uniform is green. He takes pride in his appearance. Though he has spent so much time apart from us this year, in many ways, the time we do spend together is more meaningful. When he comes home I am always refreshed by his joy and enthusiasm.

            I guess this is why I “let” my husband do this. Though the pay is quite a bit less, and this year has been a sacrifice, I believe that it was important to do it for my husband and my family. My boys deserve to have a Dad who is able to be a substantial part of their lives and I wanted my husband to have a life filled with more than just a job that provides. I am not being critical of men and women who sacrificially work long hours for their families. I believe that God has a special grace for those who work in lackluster jobs to put food on the table. However, I don’t think that means we need to be closed off to opportunities that God may provide beyond our little anthills. 

I love you, Ned. Thank you for always providing for us and for sacrificing in that way for more than a year.