And so it goes.
Ned
has graduated. 51 weeks. Check.
And
we begin a new chapter of our life. Tonight we are going to look at a house
that may be our new home. I have been very anxious over this move. No house
seems like home and all feel like a commitment that I am not ready to make. I
have been praying day and night for clarity. The other day Finn woke me up at
4:30 in the morning and I stayed up for the next three hours paying bills and
filing our taxes. These are the actions of a woman who does not “have it all
together.”
Recently
my father has been diagnosed with leukemia. It was a revelation that seemed to
come out of nowhere as he was not experiencing (or possibly not realizing) any
of the usual symptoms. I guess if there is one person I would consider a rock
steady constant in my life (besides my husband), it would be my Dad. He is the
type of person who loves just about everyone and approaches life from a
practical and calm place. His faith in God is steady and his sacrifice for his
family is constant. He’s the type of Dad who can sit in the grass with you and
listen to the crickets and talk about life and you feel well, I guess the best
word is safe. Even as a 27-year-old if I find myself reeling over something I
will often call my Dad for consolation and advice. I really hope that he’s
around for a long time so my kids can benefit from his influence. He’s that
kind of Dad.
It
breaks my heart that he will need to endure the next few months (or more?) of
chemotherapy. And it breaks my heart that my parents are never given straight
answers – possibly because there are none. It does not surprise me that my Dad
is approaching all of this gracefully and patiently. He told me that it pains
him the most that everyone else is worried about him.
31 What, then,
shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against
us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us
all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans
8: 31-32
and…
37 No, in all
these things we are more than conquerors through him
who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels
nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height
nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from
the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39
So
I guess that whether we live here in our little house next to Yellow Creek, or
in a house with a large garden plot and 2,500sq, or a house in a little
development, or a house right on the street in a run-down coal town, that we
are more than conquerors through him who loved us. And I pray for
peace like this for my parents and for my mother who would definitely be caught
paying the bills in the middle of the night – or watching the news – to each
his own.
Thank
you Lord for loving us and loving me even though I am anxious over many things.
Amen.
And so it goes.
