Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it. -Thomas Fuller

I’ve been missing my husband pretty sorely these past few weeks. I think part of the struggle is that we’ve now celebrated the baby-can-come-at-any-time threshold. That’s a wonderful thing! But, it makes me realize that we are very near the end. My body is going through something I’ve never experienced before – the last month of pregnancy – and I really wish my husband could be here with me through these weeks.

This is a 34 week shot. The way I'm standing or
the angle makes my stomach look smaller than it is.
But, I like the picture because Jack is actually interacting
with his brother. (sort of).

            Partly I wish he were here to pamper me. I’ll be honest. I’d like somebody to come home in the evening and say, “Hey babe (not that he calls me babe), I’ll watch the toddler, you put your feet up and watch desperate housewives (even though we don’t watch that show). How about I make dinner? Yes, I can absolutely make all of your favorite dishes. You just relax.”

            The other reason I want him home is because this having a baby thing is pretty intimate between a man and his wife.  Not just in the obvious way (duh….). What I mean is, when our first child was born I felt closer to Ned than I ever had before. Our child was in the NICU and we were both overwhelmed with the love we felt for this baby. We didn’t know anything about him but he was already so infinitely precious and important and… let me just say. No one can prepare you for the love you have for your baby. And let me tell you something else, no one could prepare me for the amount of love I would also have for my husband. I already loved him a great deal, but I think what was so special is that my focus shifted from just being about our relationship. We had more in common than our marriage and that common interest was wearing diapers and sleeping and when we looked at him, we thought we might never be the same (and we weren’t).

            I want my husband around for those moments leading up to this baby’s arrival. I want him to be a part of all of it. And it does make me sad that he will be missing whole weeks of baby Finn’s growth post-partum.

            But let me take a moment and reflect on the positives for this time apart.

1)     I think Ned and I have actually grown closer during these past weeks of absence. We infinitely value our weekends together. These times apart have really helped us cherish one another and to show us how much we really care about each other.

2)     I’ve grown closer to my son. I have learned to value each little moment with him and I adore watching him grow. At times does try my patience (especially as my body grows more and more uncomfortable), but he is so dear to my heart and has only become more so since I have been charged with all of the Monday- Friday around the clock care. He is such a blessing to me and I am so thankful that God has given him to us.

my loves in september 2011

3)     I have learned to ask people for help. I truly hate asking people for help. I’m not sure if it severe shyness, pride or my upbringing that causes this (or all three), but it is REALLY hard for me to ask someone outside of my family for help. I feel awkward, lazy, no-good and like I owe someone something if I ask for help. It’s kind of pathetic, but I will mentally think of all the things I’ve done for that person to see if it merits asking them for help. I think if my deeds don’t outweigh theirs, that they will judge me. Isn’t God good to put us in situations that make us vulnerable? Isn’t that just another way to show us how much we need God and others?

4)     I am more sensitive to others in need. I am more understanding when other people need help. I am less likely to judge their situations and I feel more empathetic towards them. It isn’t wrong for me to ask for help, and it isn’t wrong for someone else to need help. It may already seem obvious that other people need help, but there’s nothing quite so convincing as personal experience. And my personal experience shows me that people in need are not less than I am. Needing help from another person may be a sign of weakness (because we are all weak), but it does not mean that people in need are of less value. Again, isn’t God so good to show me the inconsistencies of my heart?

5)     I have grown closer to my friends since Ned has been away. It is pretty easy for me to hole up in my house and keep my world relatively small. Needing other people in my life has opened my heart to growing friendships and to expanding the amount of people I let in my life. It certainly wasn’t a matter of not liking people before, but this period in our life has helped me find time to nurture other relationships. I think this is one of the biggest surprise blessings. God doesn’t just allow me to suffer in order to grow, he also allows me to have joy in my life in order to grow.

6)     My husband is happier. I’m not saying he’s happier because he isn’t around us (I know he misses us like we miss him). And our time apart is mutually bittersweet. But, when my husband was working his previous job there was a lack of joy in his life. I am not suggesting that God can’t give us contentment in any situation, but I AM suggesting that God loves us so much that he opens paths for us that are more fulfilling and suited for our desires. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see my husband smiling when he comes home for the weekend. There is simply a change in his demeanor. Not to mention that I am overjoyed by the ways that God is growing his character as well (but that’s something he can write about in his blog, should he desire to do so J ).

7)     I have hope for the future. I think this job is a good life choice for our family. This year is a pretty big sacrifice for our family, but I think the results are going to be worth it. I am excited for the places that God will take us and the opportunities we will have to meet new people. I also think that this job will be a good experience for our boys (and possible future children). And since I am one who loves adventure, I am really just thrilled that we have selected an unconventional life.